Happy Halloween!!

Thankfully Cayel is still at a generally agreeable age where I can make a decision for him and he'll go along with it (notice the word "generally"). The Halloween costume decision being one of those . . . For his first Halloween he was an adorable little green dinosaur (he was only 6 months old so of course anything would have been adorable), last year he was a tiger (or as he thought, a "kitty") and (selfishly) this year, I gave him the option of a monkey, an elephant or a giraffe. I figured my days of putting him in a cute little animal costume are coming to an end so I'd better make the most out of it. Ever since Papa Mark went to South Africa last January and sent pictures of the "jungle animals" Cayel has been in LOVE with giraffes. So, giraffe it was! Next was the mission of finding the costume. I guess you could say I'm "thrifty." I looked at those Halloween stores and everything was $35-$40. Are you kidding me?!?!?! For a costume that a 2 year old will wear for an hour . . . He would be sleeping in it if I bought it for that price. Thank goodness for eBay where I found an adorable giraffe costume (from a sucker who paid that horrific price :) that is practically brand new.


We started our trick-or-treating excursion by going to Edgewood Vista (an Assisted Living facility in Spearfish). This is such a neat idea for kids - each resident sits outside their door and hands out little bags of candy. Cayel had a blast but started to get a little impatient because he wanted to eat a piece of everything that got put into his pumpkin. It didn't take long and his entire pumpkin was full. You'd think I would have been smart and called it quits, but being the die-hard "fun" mom I am, we went home, unloaded the pumpkin and hit the streets. We made pit stops at Grandpa and Grandma Horak's, Terri's (Cayel's daycare provider), Rene and Tahra's, Marti & Alvin's (my Bible Study leader) and even a few houses on our street.


After 2 hours of trick-or-treating we decided to retreat for the night. We retired Mr. Giraffe to "memory" bin with the other 2 Halloween costumes from previous years, had 1 last piece of candy, said our prayers and he was out!!

Mission Accomplished!!

Below are a few pictures of Cayel (more like daddy) carving his pumpkin. As you can tell by the picture of Cayel in tears, he did NOT like the slimy stuff inside the pumpkin. You would think being a 2 year old boy, he would dive right in and maybe even throw a little to make a mess?!?!?! But no, not my son - instead, he started crying and said he was tired and asked to go to bed. So, daddy carved the pumpkin while Cayel played near by (attentively watching). When it came time to light it, he was SO excited and gave daddy all the credit!

Cayel's A Walking Miracle!!

This morning the alarm went off at 5:50 a.m. I was exhuasted!! I wondered to myself "why didn't I sleep last night?" - was it because we weren't in our own house, was it because Cayel woke up a few times in the middle of the night, or was it because for some odd reason, I was anticipating this morning? As I write this post we are sitting in the waiting room at the Rapid City Regional Medical Hospital waiting for Cayel to get out of his MRI. I keep thinking to myself, big deal Marcy, it's just an MRI. Cayel is fine, besides an IV, nothing is going to hurt him. It's just a follow up appointment to monitor his brain injury. Oh yes, his brain injury, now that's the problem!! It's amazing how fast those physical and emotional feelings come rushing back to me - I remember it like it was yesterday . . .

It was Tuesday, April 15th (the dreaded tax day!) Josh had Monday and Tuesday off of work because the Willmar guys were in town turkey hunting. Troy (my co-worker) had taken an early lunch and the mail had just been thrown on my desk. For some reason I really missed Cayel, he had only been gone since Saturday but this time felt different - I wanted him home with me. "Okay," I thought "go through the mail, it will make the time go faster." Just has I dove into the heaping pile of what seemed like junk mail, my cell phone rang - "Brian" came up on the caller id. Immediately I got a sick stomach - he never calls when he has Cayel. Before I could collect myself to answer the call I received a voicemail. I listened to it, "call me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE" he said. I did just that, within seconds he told me that they were at the Urgent Care Clinic. He had taken Cayel on a bike ride in the pull-behind bike trailer and it tipped. He said Cayel wasn't wearing a helmet but besides some road rash, he thought everything was fine. I told him to have the doctor call me with an update as soon as he was available - as I hung up the phone, anger and panic rushed through my body. "What should I do? Should I stay at work? Should I drive to Denver? Troy's not here . . . Josh isn't here . . . I can't get a hold of Josh!" UGH!!! More panic . . . I called my mom at work - my mom is always calm and when she isn't, I know it's okay for me to panic. She got on the phone and I told her what had happened, she immediately started crying and I could hear the panic in her voice. Now I panicked!! I put a sign on the door that said "OUT FOR LUNCH" and I drove to Josh's house. Knowing that he was in the hills hunting (with no cell phone coverage), I prayed that 1 of the 5 Willmar guys was there. Nope, no one. I paced the house crying - I felt my body break out in a sweat. Oh yea, God . . . Down to my knees I went . . . "Please God take care of my baby. Please make him okay." My phone rang, it was Josh. "Hurry, come home. Something happened to Cayel." Within 10 minutes Josh and Justin walked into the house. Josh held me and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. "It'll probably just be bumps and bruises - he's a tough kid." But I could sense the anger in his voice - more panic. I decided to go to my place and wait - I needed to be alone. On my drive home I called Brian, over and over and over again. Finally, he answered - he was crying. He said that they had just taken Cayel by ambulance to the Denver Children's Hospital because he wasn't moving his left side. As I hung up the phone I realized that I was parked in the middle of some side street. I slowly made my way home. Back on the phone, I called my mom - so hysterical that I could hardly speak - she was already at home packing her bags. Packing her bags? For what? She must have known the news that was coming. I called Josh, he was on his way to my house. For what? He too must have known what was coming. Why didn't I? I walked in the door and fell to my knees. I don't know how long I was there praying but I felt Josh's hand on my shoulder. We sat on the couch and cried - no words - just cried. My phone rang the number read 720-777-1234. I answered. "Is this Marcy, Cayel's mom?" "Yes." "Is someone with you right now?" she asked. "Yes." I could feel my heart breaking . . . "This is Dr. (umm, can't even remember her name), I work at the Denver Children's Hospital, your son Cayel was brought to the emergency room by ambulance and he just got out of a CT scan. He has a skull fracture and hemoragging of the brain. We are getting ready to take him into surgery. How fast can you get here?" Someone ripped my heart out of my chest, I thought I was going to be sick! I explained that I lived in Spearfish, SD and it was more then 6 hours away. She tried to help me find a flight out of Rapid City but the next flight to Denver left the next day. "I'll drive," I said. I explained that I wouldn't have cell phone coverage through WY and asked that they please call and leave a message as soon as he was out of surgery. Next was the dreaded question, "will he be okay?" Worse yet, the respone . . . "I can't make any promises." I hung up the phone. Before I could even say anything, Josh said to hurry and pack and meet him at his place. We would leave for Denver immediately. Pack? For how long? What will I need? How long will I be there? I walked into Cayel's room and stubbed my toe on his little 4-wheeler and toy buck that Nana had given him for Christmas. I told him to put that away before we left Saturday morning - "don't touch it I thought, leave it there forever." My eyes were burning, my head hurt. I grabbed his hand-made quilt, tucked it into my bag and started packing. As I drove to Josh's, I called my mom, my dad had just bought her a plane ticket, she would meet me in Denver. My phone didn't stop ringing, the news back home spread like wild fire. I couldn't stop crying, I didn't even know what to say. Josh and I loaded up our bags and pulled out of the driveway. Before we turned the corner Josh's dad was driving behind us trying to get our attention. We stopped, they came running to us, hugs and tears - mainly silence. As we got on the interstate I remember holding my phone, watching as the service bars disappeared. We drove in pure silence. Not a word was spoken. An hour passed . . . then two. I looked out the window and cried. Josh looked like he could kill something. Finally after a few hours, I said, "promise me he will be okay." All he could do was touch my hand. I held back the tears. The 6 hour drive seemed like a lifetime. So many thoughts ran through my head, so many emotions. I found myself making bargins with God - if you let him live, I will do this or that or stop doing this or stop doing that. Finally, cell phone coverage - I called the hospital, they found Cayel's nurse for me. He was out of surgery. He was ALIVE!!! Better yet, he was asking for mac and cheese!!! We finally got to the hospital, Josh (being the very logical person he is) prepared me for the worse. As we pulled into the parking ramp, we were greeted by Josh's aunt, uncle and cousin. Great first impression I thought to myself . . . I smiled as much as I could but they were so sweet, they just wanted to be there to support us. It was about 10:00 p.m. when we got to the hospital - as we walked in the hospital doors we were greeted by a security guard who helped us get checked in and get our visitor passes. He directed us to the 3rd floor (which was the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). The nurse buzzed Josh and I in, it was dim lighting and silent. All you could hear were the beeping of machines. There was a nurse monitoring machines and looking into a glass window to every room. I could see mom's sleeping on a pull out couch as their babies slept in the metal crib attached to tubes and IV's. My heart sank, what would Cayel look like? We got to his room, I hugged Josh before we walked in. There he was . . . my baby. Yes, he was hooked up to machines and yes he had not just 1 IV but 2, but he was ALIVE!!! He had a neck brace on so he couldn't turn his head to look at me - I walked over to his crib and said, "it's mommy." I carressed his head and fought to hold in the tears. The minutes seemed like hours. Finally my mom came. Only 1 parent could stay in the room, thankfully there was no argument - Brian left. My mom and Josh found a hotel room near by and I sat in the corner of the room in the dark watching Cayel sleep. I started to doze off and the alarm on one of his machines started to go off. My heart jumped out of my chest as I ran to his side - the nurse came running in. Thankfully the nurse was very calm, I could sense his peace. "He's going to throw up, it's normal, probably from the anestesia." Sure enough, he started to throw up. Because of the neck brace the nurse had me turn him on his side and he stuck a little vacuum tube in his mount to suck out the vomit. This continued every 15 minutes until morning. Morning came. By noon Cayel was released from PICU and was put onto the "floor" (which basically means he got his own room that didn't need minute to minute supervision). For the next 10 days they monitored him, they did CT scans, they took blood, they experimented with anti-seziure medication to try and find the right one, they took vitals, they did Physical Therapy. And for the next 10+ days I made as many posts as I could to his Caring Bridge site to journal his progress: www.caringbridge.org/visit/cayelholmgren

198 days have passed . . . 198 days of waking up every single morning and thanking God for my blessings. Thanking God for the love and support of my family and friends. Thanking God for a flexible job that allowed me to put my personal life first. Thanking God for the amazing husband and dad he brought into me and Cayel's life. Thanking God for giving me the blessing of a child. Thanking God for protecting us during that difficult time and for being our ROCK!

Time to go . . . the nurse just came to get us to go be with Cayel. He's out of his MRI!

The Wedding Day . . .

Saturday, September 6th was the day . . . The day that we vowed our love, our hearts and our lives to each other. The day that the 3 of us became an "official" family! This beautiful day was filled with laughter, love, tears, family, friends and most of all God!!

For me, it all started at 6:00 in the morning when my Grandma B rolled over with a big smile on her face and said, "lets pray together" (my grandma and I started praying together when I was in elementary school). After we shared a few special moments together, I made my way to Cayel's room . . . as I slowly opened the door, I saw his big blue eyes starring at me. Before I could even say good-morning, he said, "we getting married today mommy." Because I wanted to see where this would go, I asked "who is getting married?" And as innocent as ever, he responded with, "me, you and daddy." Those 3 words will ring in my heart forever . . . "me, you and daddy" ahhh . . . what a beautiful sound!!

For Joshua, he got the luxury of sleeping in. As his sisters impatiently paced outside his door waiting for the groom to wake so they could greet him - he kept on sleeping . . . He finally decided it was time to roll out of bed when his sister Betsy peaked in the bedroom and asked if it was good luck to see a buck on your wedding day (kind of like they say it is good luck for it to rain on your wedding day - which it did that too :)? She was looking out the kitchen window at Josh's parents and sure enough, at the salt lick behind their house stood a buck starring in the window. If anyone knew Josh, they would know that of course seeing any type of hunted wildlife was good luck - especially on his wedding day!



Now it was time to start beautifying (or handsomnifying - not really a word, I know) for the big day. The girls all met at the church where we squeezed ourselves into what was called the "Green Room" (yes, it was green) to get our hair done, put our make-up on, listen to girly songs (like Going To The Chapel) and giggle the morning away. As crazy as it may sound - it was a lot of fun and one more memory that I will cherish forever!










Although the boys didn't need beauticians to do their hair and they sure didn't need to share different shades of eye shadow - it was just as important to Josh to be surrounded by "his boys." Thanks to our dear friends Rene and Tahra who borrowed their house out, all the guys got together to put their tuxes on. I asked Josh what they talked about so I would have something to blog and his response was, "we're guys, we don't talk." Okay, point taken - we'll assume they talked hunting (as they always do!).




The ceremony took place at Countryside Community Church. We have been going to this church since Josh and I started dating and have never felt more filled with God!! The ceremony was perfect and filled with 200+ family and friends - all there to support, love and celebrate with us!!

Josh's wedding party consisted of his friend Josh Larson (who was the Best man), his brother-in-laws Mark and Lane and his friends Rene (a high school friend) and Nic (a college friend). My wedding party consisted on my sister Sarah (who was the Maid of Honor), my sister Chelsea, Josh's sisters, Anne and Betsy and my friend Megan (a dear friend from Elementary School). My 3 wonderful friends Kim, Melissa and Tahra were my Personal Attendants (or better yet, my backbone - they held me together the whole day :). We had 4 Ushers, Chad (a friend of Josh's from high school in Willmar), Bryan (a friend of Josh's from high school in Spearfish), Andy (a friend of Josh's from high school in Spearfish) and Justin (who couldn't be with us because he was a brand new daddy - CONGRATULATIONS Justin and Kris :). And, we had 2 adorable Junior Ushers - Josh's twin nephews Jack and Noah (or as Cayel would say, "Nonah"). My 2 1/2 year old niece Jada was the Flower Girl and Josh's nephew Colby was the Ring Bearer. They both did such a great job walking down the isle - they even held hands :) - it was adorable!! We were blessed to have our 2 friends Michelle and Alvin sing a solo (Only God Could Love You More) during the Unity Candle - they have a true gift from God. And a dear dear family friend, Jim, took the honor of reading our scripture - Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

We choose this scripture because we felt it was a testimony of our love for each other as well as God's love and faithfulness to us. Since the day God brought us together, we had mountains to climb . . . but in the end, we focused our eyes and our hearts on Him and He brought us to this beautiful place - a place to REJOICE!!

As for Cayel, he was Josh's Honorary Best man and walked mommy down the isle with Papa Mark. To be completely honest, I wasn't sure how he would do with 200 people starring at him but, as we got ready to walk down the isle, he grabbed my hand and looked up at me and smiled - as if to say, "here we go mom." As we made our way down the isle, he caught a glimps of Josh and said, "there's my daddy." And then the tears started flowing . . .






After the ceremony, the wedding party took a relaxing ride around town in a trolley before heading to the Spearfish Convention Center at the Holiday Inn (which was beautifully decorated by my 2 amazing friends Shonna and Jamie) for the reception.



From 5:30 - midnight lots of food and cake were eaten, toasts were made, tears were shed, stories were shared, memories were made and the bride and groom, wedding party, family and friends danced the night away.












As they say, it was all over in a blink of an eye - but the memories, will last in our hearts forever. I never thought something could top the birth of my son but, I was wrong, in this one day, I got to have my son walk me down the isle as I vowed my love and life to my husband. In this one day I got the family that I forever prayed for. Rejoice in the Lord!!!

Wedding Eve (is that such a thing?!?!?!)

We decided to throw a little of the Wild West into our wedding festivities . . . After the rehearsal, 40 of us (which included the bride and groom-to be, the wedding party, parents, grandparents and a few aunts and uncles) drove 10 miles across the border to Beulah, Wyoming. A little town that has a population of about 20 people, a gas station, a bar and an AWESOME restaurant called The Buffalo Jump. The Buffalo Jump is your typical Western Steakhouse - the entire inside is dark wood from floor to ceiling, they have a beautiful stone fireplace that is lit all year round, the chandeliers are made out of antlers (a hunter's dream), there is a patio out back with a huge fire pit and better yet, the signs on the bathroom say "Cowboys" and "Cowgirls". This is our favorite restaurant to go to when we have our "date nights" and we thought what better way to celebrate then to enjoy a good steak, a few drinks and a cigar (compliments of Josh's dad Dick) with the people we love the most! Come to find out, my Grandpa Hoeft used to come to this restaurant 40 years ago when he made his yearly hunting trips to the Black Hills - now The Buffalo Jump is even more special . . . there is history!!

After dinner, we all made our way out to the patio where we enjoyed the warmth and glow of the fire, puffed on our cigars (even the girls had cigars in their hands!) and talked and laughed the night away. I remember taking the time at some point that night to stand back and absorb it all - all I can say is, "it was magical." Everyone was smiling (some even crying tears of joy), my dad and future Grandpa (Grandpa Bill) deep in conversation, my future aunt Ann surrounded by my girlfriends who were all giggling and telling stories of our past, my mom and Josh's mom sitting back quietly observing with smiles of joy on their face, Josh's dad quietly walking around snapping pictures of everyone - making sure not to miss a moment, Anne and Betsy (Josh's sisters) with the look of utter happiness and awe that their little brother was getting married the next day, my sisters quietly watching their future brother-in-law as he danced around from friend to friend with a smile bigger then the moon, the Willmar boys reminiscing on hunting stories and my dear friend Megan, sitting on the other side of the fire doing exactly what I was doing . . . watching and soaking it all in!!
















After the cigars were gone (for those die-hards who could handle them), the stories were shared and the fire died down, Josh and I got in the truck and made the quiet and peaceful drive back to Spearfish. As he pulled into the driveway to drop me off, he touched my hand, looked into my eyes and said, "tomorrow you'll be my wife." I walked into the house (the house that was going to be our house in 1 day) and this overwhelming sense of peace rushed over my body. The house was quiet and still . . . my baby was sound asleep in his bed, my 2 sisters, niece and nephew were camped out in the basement living room, my parents were snuggled up in there bed and my Grandma B was excited to share the bed with me. Knowing that Josh was at his parent's house surrounded by his mom and dad, 2 sisters, brother-in-laws, and 4 nephews and up the street at the Holiday Inn were 50+ rooms filled with out of town guests (dear friends and family members) that were here to celebrate with us. God answered so many prayers in that 1 night and I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought of this being the rest of my life!!